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Did you say aw? Did you swoon a little bit at the romantic notion of them facing this great challenge hand in hand? Well you're not alone, I did too. And then I started reading a few blogs discussing this plot line. One in particular caught my attention and had me rethinking my original "aw". In the blog titled The Trouble With Triplets, Libby Hill discusses a common sitcom trend to create strong, independent, career-minded, feminist characters only to have their final season centered around a pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing. Hill's blog reflects back on strong feminist characters in past sitcoms who remained childless and the looks at the current trend of characters who can "have it all", the principles, the career, the spouse and the brood of children. She argues that the male characters in sitcom history have children but its only a small plot point not a major life change, whereas the female characters' whole story-lines seem to lead up to motherhood.
Hill's argument is interesting, but the point I found most thought provoking was mentioned fairly quickly in the blog. Hill refers to a strong female character from another recent sitcom, Robin Scherbatsky from "How I Met Your Mother". Robin clearly states in early seasons that she does not want to have children but then in later episodes is devastated to find out that she cannot have children. For some reason the show's writers felt it necessary to take Robin's choice to stay a non-mother away from her. To me it seemed like the writers knew that they wanted her to have no children but didn't think the audience would believe that this would be a choice that women would make willingly. I wonder, is that such a shocking choice?
Hill's argument is interesting, but the point I found most thought provoking was mentioned fairly quickly in the blog. Hill refers to a strong female character from another recent sitcom, Robin Scherbatsky from "How I Met Your Mother". Robin clearly states in early seasons that she does not want to have children but then in later episodes is devastated to find out that she cannot have children. For some reason the show's writers felt it necessary to take Robin's choice to stay a non-mother away from her. To me it seemed like the writers knew that they wanted her to have no children but didn't think the audience would believe that this would be a choice that women would make willingly. I wonder, is that such a shocking choice?
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I completely agree with you Ms. Valente. A lot of women do get asked "when are you having kids?" From my understanding and perception of this situation, it's no big surprise that women were always good for having children. It's like societal expectations of an everyday woman is to squeeze in having a baby, as part of their life long plan. However, men aren't asked that question, nor are they expected to have a family. One of the reasons why I believe that, is because back in the day, women were always at home cooking, cleaning, harvesting fruits & vegetables and of course, watching after the children. Men on the other hand, were always at work. Let's fast forward back to the present and examine where these societal expectations come from. Men aren't asked that question of "when are you going to have kids?" because they are expected to work and possibly not have the time to squeeze in a baby. However, with women having the reputation being a "stay at home mom" back in the day, that's where the expectations of women having babies, kicks in. I personally feel as though that just because you are a woman, you shouldn't have to have children if you don't want to. But because of societal expectations and the pressure from others, women feel like they have to be sex machines to their man and carry a child for nine months just to fulfill the "societal role" of a woman.
ReplyDeleteI am guilt with those who ask "Do you have any kids yet?". For me this idea might have been influenced by my environment. I grew up in an extended family where every woman had not one, but multiple children and this environment has influenced my paradigm about how a woman should have children. Therefore, when I see a married woman without at least one child, I automatically assume that she is not able to have children. Not to sound ignorant, but I used to think that a woman should have children, but being in this school and meeting many people with different ideas has made me realize that this double standard is not right. No one should feel pressured to have children because it is a personal decision.
ReplyDeleteWow. I never looked at it that way. This is interesting. After reading this, I have to say I agree and I also want to add that it happens even in the home. My mom and I were having a talk the other day and she was telling me about the children that go to the library she works in. Somehow I changed the subject to: "I'm not having kids." And it came to her as a surprise. She told me that she would like at least one grandchild. My brother who is already twenty years old, however, isn't pressured about having children at all. I am younger than him and yet I'm already told that I should have children merely because I am a woman. It's very sad that many young woman have to face this pressure while men do not even though men are also involved in the process of bearing children.
ReplyDeleteMs. Valente what a great post! I do agree with you that males do not get the same awkward questions as females do, when it comes to having children. I believe they should since it takes two people to make a child, but society has "yet" to catch up with today’s woman. Even in foreign countries most of us young ladies will probably be married and have at least two children by now. Its like us females are always trying to show that we are much more than a 'baby maker', but society does not let us escape that role. In "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER" Robin choice to not have children may have been looked down upon by the viewers that is why the writers probably made it that she cannot have children. It is ridiculous how society only can accept a woman not having children, when that woman cannot have children at all. Society needs to catch up to the modern day woman and not believe that woman always have to choose to have children.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good blog Ms. Valente! I totally agree with you on the fact that society views women to either have children or expect them to have children. Society has set this standard for women to do their "job" of producing children. For many generations, the roles for a woman was mainly to have children and nurture them. The issue is that it takes two people to create a baby, however, the woman is the only one who is seen to be responsible for it, according to society. Since she is the one to carry the child, she has now the responsibility to take care of the child while the man works. Unfortunately, for women who choose to not have children, they are expected to someday. This is society’s expectation on women and a woman will be out of the “norm” if she did not have children or want children. Society does not understand that every woman does not want children and do not want to go through that “motherly” process. It is just not every woman's’ passion to have children. Society is too judgmental to see that in order for a woman to “have it all”; it does not always involve children. To me, a woman will “have it all” when she feels she has accomplish everything she wanted to do and if she does not want children, no one should judge her for it.
ReplyDeleteVery insightful Ms. Valente. All throughout history women always face double standards whether it be with bearing a child, working or simply taking care of the home. Women are always pressured with the question “are you going to have children?” Women are expected to be the ideal housewife, stay home, take care of the child, cook and clean but it should not be like that. Although times have changed many peoples mindset have not changed, many people today still believe that women are merely there for child bearing and to take care of the home. I remember talking in history class about Brandis Brief which mainly was a way of keeping women out of the workplace and in the home. I feel like there should be change. It takes two to make a child so the responsibilities should be shared with both men and women. Women shouldn’t be the only ones asked questions about having a child, men should too. In my country many girls my age already have children of their own. We shouldn’t be put down because of our gender we should stand up and make our voices be heard. Both women and men should be treated equally whether it be in the workplace or at home, responsibilities should be shared.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your blog post Ms. Valente! I was screaming at the computer in agreement with you and my dad came into my room with a worried look on his face (super awkward). I completely see where you're coming from because I, too, find it weird how a woman, especially in TV shows, is expected to have children and if she says she would rather not have children, the writers set her decision up as a phase that will eventually pass. The same goes for society. If a woman or even a female teenager says she does not want to have kids when she is older, someone says, "Oh, you say that now! Wait until your older." Although I do believe that a female's perspective on having children can change due to future experiences, I also think that superimposing this idea that a woman's decision to not have kids will change due to some life-changing experience, or a man that sweeping her off of her feet (sarcasm) is ridiculous! I watch "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and last season, one of its reality stars, Kenya Moore, was teased by other her other cast mates. While I am not a big fan of Kenya, I was disturbed that the other cast mates were using her inability to have children as a method of attack, as if having children is the end-all/be-all of life. Not only do the media portray women as baby-making machines, but women, too, continue this idea that women should procreate; it's not a fair idea. No, society will not believe that "having it all" does not include having children until we change the minds of those who make up society. How will we change people's mindsets? That has yet to be discovered.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and insightful Mrs. Valente!! Initially, I had those perception of women: marriage, taking your husband's last name, having children etc. However, it was when I got older and came to America that I realized that women here push for equality. Most women maintain their maiden names when they get married while others prefer to be addressed with 'Ms' even when they are married and use their husband's last name. I do recall you mentioning that you prefer being addressed with 'Mrs' and I thought to myself, "well that's the first! Everyone goes by 'Ms' in America even if they're married". This said, I think society has many opinions and for that reason, not everyone will accept the idea that for some, "having it all" excludes children. For me personally, I do not really know. I think life has a funny way of playing out sometimes. We might say we don't want something and before we know it we're interested in that thing. I think opinions change, things happen, and I believe that is what leads to the choices people make about how they want to live their lives and what they deem to be acceptable.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100 % ! Women should not be viewed as baby making machines. Our life purpose is to do what pleases US not others. If we chose to be a mother and have a family then that's great but we also have the choice to be single and with no children. I do not believe that it is right for women in other cultures to be seen as a housewife. Women in Indian culture are to be at home raising 10 kids , cooking , and cleaning after her whole family. I mean if thats what makes you the happiest then do it but the ones who aren't willing to live their life that way are looked down upon and disowned by their family. If i man were t say i want 3 wives they would allow it but if a women had 3 husbands they are called a whore and all different kinds of names. This reminds me of a show called " Sister Wives" they all share one husband as to were it is 5 of them and all they do is cook, clean and take care of the children. I personally would not be able to go for that. As a young women I want to be able to do as i please. I aspire to be a successful business women with out children in my family. People often ask me why I don't want children in the future and i reply saying that i cant see myself being able to take on the much of a responsibility. I know i will receive the same comments when i get to the rightful age but i don't think that's anyone's business besides mine and who ever i'm in a relationship with at the time. I say do whatever makes you happy and if a baby is what you believe will make you happy then by all means have a baby. No one can make that decision nut you.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with everything you said. Usually when people ask me what my plans for the future are and I say college my career maybe a husband and house, while leaving out children people ask "no children?" and i completely hate it because I don't believe I need to make that choice yet. As a child whose parents got divorced while I was so young I want to make sure I have my life planned out before I can even think about bringing another human into this world. I want to make sure I reached all my goals and I want to make sure Im happy with where I am and I want to make sure my husband is going to be around for the rest of my life. I just think that society has such a one sided view on what woman can and cant do. I think that woman can do things just as great as men can, one personal example I have is that ive always been better at sports than my brother, he totally sucked at baseball and my first season of softball I was MVP. My dad always told me to cook something or to do something girly but I always liked playing with the boys outside or playing sports. I think woman shouldnt have to live up to having children if they dont want to
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are coming from. Women are usually expected to have kids, sometimes its seen as if you don't have kids you want to take the easy way out. Kids can be a blessing but also at the same time hard work. I also bieleve there is a lot of pressure on women to have kids, especially if you are the only female out of your siblings or you are the oldest female. Grandparents especially grandma's are always like "when am I going to get my first grandchild"? Right there it's pressure on you because your mother who you truly adore & love is expecting you to have a child. I bieleve that women shouldn't be pressured to have kids or have that topic mentioned all the time. You can be happy with or without kids. There are some people who are dedicated to their careers and won't have time for children, & some people can not financially support to have kids. I don't think women should have to live up to the expectations of having children.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Mrs. Valente. Society believes women should have children and when a women says she doesn't want kids, a person is quick to tell her "oh you'll change your mind!" I think people need to step away from the tradition that a women is supposed to bear children. Not having children can be a personal choice or a choice made from a traumatic event that took place in their life.
ReplyDeleteVery insightful and very true! Men are often looked at as the provider and the weight of having children does not fall on their shoulders. When a woman has a child, it is considered a major life change because she is expected to drop everything she is doing doing and stay home with the baby. This new mother must plan her life around her child. Men are praised for building up their careers whereas women are viewed as being a workaholic. I support women who choose to have children and oppose to having children. Regardless of the decision made, it should be respected.
ReplyDeleteWow Mrs.Valente, I agree! As one of the many girls who dreams of having a stable career, a long lasting marriage, and possibly children of my own one day, I can admit that I am too guilty of asking the question "Do you have kid's yet?" After putting some thought into the matter, I realized that this societal expectation for women to procreate has hindered women all around the world from seeing a broader variety of outcomes for their future. Its as if this idea is instilled in the psyche of women that the most fulfillment they will receive in life is through having (particularly) a husband and a child, when the truth is that there are trillions of possibilities that could lead you to the road of happiness and fulfillment (not that it cant be one of those possibilities). In the past, bearing many children was almost a necessity because many children died off at an early age and were used to help farm which, around that time, was many people's means of survival. This being said, I can understand why society expect women to bare children, however, times have changed. Since then many feminist and equal rights leaders have fought to give women the rights to their own lives that they never had in the past and I believe that it isn't up to society to determine whether a woman should have a child.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know what to say. I'm just saying maybe men aren't asked when they are having kids because they are not the ones carrying babies and not being pregnant. Men all they have to do is you know do their half the woman are the ones with the nine months and cravings and being mean loosing their cool. I can't really say I have seen this because people always ask my dad when he is having kids not my mom because the guy has half the job and its really the power of them and the woman. Even with my uncle they ask him not his wife. Honestly it depends the person you are asking if you ask this lady I know Deborah who lost two of her babies she would start to cry and just say we are trying ( has 2 beautiful girls now) if you were to ask my mom she would say ask my husband. I am not really one to ask when people are having kids because I will just end up babysitting them or if a couple is married for a while and they have no kids I would think either they don't want or can't have. If I were to look at it from the woman side I would see how they would get mad and as Neena said woman aren't baby making machines which is true, but if you were to look at my family you would think that's to many kids and wouldn't ask we will be 6 kids in May. Then people stop asking you when you have too many kids because then they think you have no filter. In my church women with 12 kids are normal and my mom going to have 6 is nothing but to my family they each have one kid and they question my mom. People stopped asking my mom after she had a girl and a boy they didn't seem to care but know that some of my family knows she is pregnant again they are like oh boy this woman is going to pop out like 5 more and they don't like it. Society takes famous people having it all without kids but for us regular people we need to have kids which is true, some people think having kids is a need for a family which it isn't, but people can still be happy , they probably think oh having kids is fun and cute not when they are crying or not listening or when they are older doing things they shouldn't. I say now I don't want kids and some of family does get at me like if you are not having kids I hope you become a nun and I just look at them. I wish my family would read your blog I am happy with my dog and I don't need kids, my family mentions I will change my mind if I get married which I don't want to. Honestly woman have been seen to a house mom and the woman in my life are so they prove exactly what woman are expected to do. All society does these days is accept Kim Kardashians behind, society sees what the famous people have that is what we normal people are based and need to have.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree, it is ridiculous that women have these expectations. Men aren't asked if they plan on having children because society thinks of motherhood as a dependent stay-at-home mom scenario. While fatherhood is look at as the head of house or as the support/backbone of the household. Which isn't true in a lot of cases, there are very strong and independent mothers who serve as great examples to their children. Whether you want to be mother or not is a personal, life changing decision, that society just throws on us. The idea that the only way for a women to serve society is to have children. I do not want to have children or get married and a common response I get in return is that, "You'll change your mind, you're just a kid you don't know what you want" or personally my favorite, "You'll feel empty inside without a family". Like if I don't marry and have kids suddenly I lose the family I born into. I think that there is still a large population that thinks of women as weak beings which isn't true. Society puts down women in a passive aggressive way. If a child has a problem people always ask, "doesn't your mother know how to raise you". The idea that fathers don't play a role in raise the children or that mothers are solely responsible for their children's behavior.
ReplyDeleteFirstly I also love parks and rec it is one of my favorite shows! Also I completely agree with you, women do get asked different questions then men when they are married. Married women have completely different expectations in marriage completely. There are several articles about how women should spice up a marriage, what they are doing wrong, and how she should keep him interested, these articles fail to mention that a woman's sole purpose in life is not to keep her husband entertained. The expectations for women in marriage are completely ridiculous, and having kids does play a large role into that. Women are automatically expected to have kids even when they don't want kids personally, if their husbands want it they are supposed to as well, yet if a woman wants kids and her husband doesn't she is expected to change her mind. Society has created this idea that women must base their ideas on what men want.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what you have stated above, why is that a woman can't be happily married without having any kids. I think our society in a sense is always based on special events in a woman's life , such as having a baby. Some might say having a baby is truly when you become a woman,but that shouldn't be true. there woman that aren't capable to produce an offspring or it can even be detrimental to there health if they have a child. You stated "If the assumed ideal life progression goes marriage then children, shouldn't he face the same awkward questions about our plans to, or not to, start a family?" . I agree, it takes two people to figure out what they truly want in a marriage, just because you are married you can't just disregard the feelings of your partner on whether or not they want a child. if it becomes a problem that in a relationship your partner states that they don not wan to have children you should either respect that decision or just give it some time. Man men don't get bombarded with the question from there guy friends on whether they anticipating should they have a kid or not. Mostly women get asked a lot by there female friends on if they want to have a child. I feel as though society should change those views of whether or not a woman should have a child.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Mrs. Valente. I believe society expects women to live up to certain expectations or follow "societal rules", one of those being to have children, and when one of these "societal rules" get broken or get to being on the road to being broken women are quickly told to get back "in their place". For example like you stated, women are expected to have kids and form a family, when a woman decides she wants to do differently she is often told "Give it time." or "You'll soon change your mind." . I feel a woman has the right to do as she pleases whether that's having children or not. It's her body. As Paris stated she may have went through something traumatic or for personal reasons she's against or not thinking of having children and that is completely fine! Women are allowed to have an opinion or change their minds! It's what we're known for.
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