They Never Call It Rape
Okay so something I have been interested in lately is acquaintance rape or "date rape". I first became interested in it when a cousin of mine told me she was a victim of date rape. Rape is unwanted or forced sexual intercourse of any kind and date rape is done by someone you know or are familiar with or maybe have been on a date with. She was raped by her uncle's friend and she was deeply traumatized by it, so to try to help her I needed to get some type of information about date rape. Especially because I am going to be a college student next and college is where a lot of date rape happens. Did you know that one in every college aged women is either raped or experiences some type of attempt of rape? And that eighty-four percent of women who have been raped knew their attacker. I believe that date rape is a serious problem in society today because it takes away women's rights and effects them throughout their lives.
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In most cases, the raped victim is criticized about what she wears or her reputation that she herself has caused her attacker to be forced to rape her. That's just a bunch of crap ! You should know for yourself when no means no especially when the other person is under the influence. Most people blame the victim and try to justify why they may have gotten raped by wearing "slutty" or revealing clothes for tempting the attacker according to
Perspectives on Acquaintance Rape Just like the sign in the picture to the left that says " My skirt should is not an invitation to rape me" just because a women wears a short skirt or a certain shirt it is not and invitation to go rape them. That's like a murder saying " That guy looked at me so I killed him, he was asking for it." No matter what the circumstances are when someone says no that means no and you should have enough self control to stop and just let that hurt go. It really makes me mad when I see a TV show or a movie and a guy says she was just being a "tease" or she didn't really mean no. What do you mean she didn't me no? So now all of a sudden no means yes? That's just so annoying especially when other women agree and say well she was why would she wear those type of clothes or if you go to a guys house on the first date what else do you expect. this is where society's expectations come into play. They make it seem like it can be so easily avoided if you act a certain way and dress a certain way, and maybe sometimes that can be the case but do clothes really determine who the next date rape victim can be? In my opinion it probably can for a stranger to rape someone but for someone who you are acquainted with and now I feel like it is more planned out than just a girl in a hot dress. what do you guys think?
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When my cousin first told me about her situation I asked her why she took so long to tell anybody and she told me she was embarrassed and ashamed of it. In most cases this is the problem they have a fear that they will be judged by people. This is where society's role of expectations come in to play because they have certain expectations for women and how a "lady" looks and dresses like. These victims need professional physiological help to deal with and overcome these traumatizing events. After something like this happens where a person you thought you could trust breaks that bond that you may have had, it can be hard to trust anyone again. Although not many people may think about rape it is really important because it takes the rights we as women have worked so hard to gain and completely crushes them. Most date rapes are not always reported to the police or the attacker is never found. There is no closure or justice to these women leaving them with built up resentment and anger. I just think that not only just date rape any kind of rape because we are women and this is a huge crime where we are mostly victims to. The media or the attackers always find ways to justify it as if we choose to be taken advantage of. They call it being a "tease" or a "slut" or even an idiot for flirty with certain guys but they never call it rape. what do you guys' think about the whole date rape topic? Do you think it is avoidable?
Statistics from:
http://www.usciences.edu/shac/counseling/daterape.shtml
I have not personally experienced rape nor has my family but rape is a very common issue today in modern society. I have learned all the things i know about rape from the show special Law and Order special victims unit by Dick Wolf. They talk about how girls as young as 11 are raped and how its usually by a person they know. I don't believe when they say girls ask to be raped by the clothing they wear. Yes wearing booty shorts and crop tops can be seen as seductive but it doesn't give the man or woman the right to rape her. When a women is raped and has a baby after by her attacker i believe she has the right to abort it because having to raise a child knowing that this child was the product of a rape and every time you look at the child it is a reminder of what happened.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually comment on the blogs but I just had to step in and HIGHLY ENCOURAGE everyone to read the article that Raqia attached. The statistics given and the myths and realities section are very interesting and I think will prompt some great discussion.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Raqia. No one deserves to be raped. Rape is not something someone asks for. Being raped is a traumatic experience that stays with you throughout your life. One of my friends who I am very close to got raped twice by someone she knew practically all her life and then again almost for a third time recently but this time she managed to get away. It is hard knowing that someone you looked as an older brother can do this to you and the worst part is that they live right next door to each other. Until this day my friend has never told anyone not even her parents that she was raped because she was afraid of what others will think. She is afraid that she will get blamed for it a judged. Never in a million years did she expect him to rape her not once but twice. Although it has been almost a year since the last time she got raped she still has flashbacks of this event and it has greatly effected her life. She will never be the same person that she used to be. At one point she was even scared to leave her room because she was afraid of what will happen. Females should not be blamed for being raped, they were not "asking for it". When you're raped you feel like a part of you has been snatched. It's sad to see how many rape cases go unheard of. Society needs to take more action about issues like this and stop blaming women. The way one dresses does not send the invitation to be raped.
ReplyDeleteGREAT BLOG! THE VICTIM IS NEVER TO BLAME!! Rape is never something someone asks for. I had this argument recently on topic of rape, the other person that said that woman is partly responsible because of the way they dress. I was outraged, that is was coming out of a women's mouth. I feel that everyone but especially women should never say that. It is a violation of the woman's right, she was FORCED she didn't not willingly sleep with the other person, I feel that rape is not avoidable because rape is about power and not lust. I also watch like Neena Law and Order:SVU and it obviously not really life but it resembles different situations that have probably happened. People of all ages and genders get rape. I am very sorry your cousin had to go through that, Devi's friend as well. I agree completely that victims need psychological help and therapy. It is a violation of the person's body and it will take a long time to overcome and move on with life. I feel that date rape is hard to move on because you knew the person and had a personal connection and bond that was broken, although all rape is terrible.
ReplyDeleteThis was really good Raqia ! I actually know some one who has also been raped and just like your cousin she didn't tell anyone, and I only found out because she kept mentioning that she hates guys and one day she just bursted at me and said she had been raped and she was on the second date with the guy. It took her a very long time to tell her guardian, she wasn't so much ashamed she just hated herself because she kept blaming herself for dressing with her cleavage showing. My friend has and is in counseling now and even though she is still hurt she has opened herself up and she is currently in a good stage with her 2 year boyfriend and she even told him. But I know for myself like you said going to college it is scary and my grandma mentions it to me all the time oh be careful and she says make sure you put your keys in between your fingers when you are walking so if someone were to attack you -you poke them with the tip of the key. She also mentions to carry a bottle of hairspray since you can't have pepper spray she says the affect is the same in the eyes.I don't like to think of rape as something that girls ask for -us women just like to show the goodies we have and feel proud of it I hate it when the male gender says we ask for it by dressing that way! I don't know if rape can be avoided because I'm sure rapist don't walk around with a sign that says Rapist, you don't know who a person really is, so a girl can't really get out of a relationship she thinks is good and then gets raped. These days no one knows who a person truly is especially with all that Catfish stuff, honestly I don't know just carry keys and a hairspray bottle , because people aren't always who they seem, or if you are walking at night make sure you are with someone else.
ReplyDeleteGreat topic and post, Raqia! Men should learn self control before blaming others for his wrongdoings. Whenever I read court cases about rape, I am appalled to hear the lawyer turning the victim into a predator. They ask ridiculous questions such as "What were you wearing the night you were raped?" "In the past, is it true that you had a history of being with men?" The woman ends up being attacked by the Defense instead of the rapist getting rightfully charged for his heinous acts. At times I feel like going up to them and slapping them and saying "you were being a total idiot there, that was an invitation for me to slap you." This all goes back to the laws in the past that protected the rights of men and abused women. Let us also not forget that anyone at any age can get raped (men, young children, babies, so on and so forth.) I hope that one day Society will recognize that this is a major issue and deal with it in the right way.
ReplyDeleteI love this blog! I have noticed this too that many rape cases often incriminate the victim. The victim is put under attack, asked questions such as "what were you wearing?" or "why were you drinking so much?". In cases of girls being drunk especially girls are incriminated severely. Making the victim seem as though she was "asking for it" just because she was wearing a short skirt or drinking at a party. It makes me very sad that we live in a society where rape is often not seen as rape.
ReplyDeleteI love this blog! I have noticed this too that many rape cases often incriminate the victim. The victim is put under attack, asked questions such as "what were you wearing?" or "why were you drinking so much?". In cases of girls being drunk especially girls are incriminated severely. Making the victim seem as though she was "asking for it" just because she was wearing a short skirt or drinking at a party. It makes me very sad that we live in a society where rape is often not seen as rape.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very well put together blog and I agree with you. Often the victim is indeed criticized on what she or he could have done to prevent the rape from happening or how he or she was dressed and or the actions that took place before the rape. In my opinion when a rape occurs no means no despite your behavior, attitude and clothing choice. I am completely flabbergasted (I really like that word) at the fact that lawyers are STILL ALLOWED to badger the victim when on the stand. It's not right!
ReplyDeleteThis topic always gets me fired up because it is so disturbing to hear. I read the attached article and I it really hurt that I was not surprised by the statistic, "Eighty-four percent of women who have been date raped knew their attackers." Toward the end of the summer, there were articles that talked about a female student at Columbia University in NY who is walking to her classes and dining halls with her mattress in hand because she was forced to her dorm room and raped and her rapist still attends the school, despite the fact that she said he was the man who raped her. My mentor, who is now a student at Columbia, knows a friend of this girl and in my conversation with him, he talked about how she is making it her mission to get him expelled, which is what she should not stop doing. Although there are hundreds of schools who have gotten hit with lawsuits due to their lack of response to rapes (including Rutgers, by the way), Columbia's case was out in the public and they still tried to sweep it under the rug. It hurts me at the core because I told my mentor that although Columbia is a school I can only dream of attending, I cannot because their response (or the lack thereof) is what discourages me. It's a sad reality, but no response is the only response one can expect from colleges whose reputations are more important than the well-being of their students. Obama has requested that schools be more aware of rape allegations and take actions to prevent rape from happening on campus. I've done overnight visits at schools and in the bathroom stalls, there are numbers to rape hotlines and signs to ask for help in plain sight. However, schools need to do more. Thank you for sharing your perspective on date rape with us. I really enjoyed it, and hopefully we take greater measures to address rape altogether.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not a victim of rape, this topic always finds a way to infuriate me. Yes, sometimes a girls indecisiveness about whether or not she is ready to have sex may baffle many males at times, yet it is inexcusable that women take on most of the consequences even as victims. People say things like "Why didnt you just say no?", "Did you fight back?" to these victims and give men the excuse "men will be men". They selectively fail to remember that even the despite the way women have evolved over the years, males still easily have a physical advantage over them As well as intimidate them in some cases. They consider the fact that its the girls choice and make her the one to blame even though more times then not men force themselves upon women , either forcefully or persuasively. The victims are always critisized for what they could jave done, but like Raqia said, thats almost like blaming a victim of a murder for their own death. Using ones clothing as an excuse to violate someone is just as trivial. Unless the girl has the words "violate me" written across her forehead, men should be expected to keep their composure even if he see's a woman showing a little skin. If males are supposedly the leaders of this world, why don't they get penalized for their carelessness that does nothing but bring others down?
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not a victim of rape, this topic always finds a way to infuriate me. Yes, sometimes a girls indecisiveness about whether or not she is ready to have sex may baffle many males at times, yet it is inexcusable that women take on most of the consequences even as victims. People say things like "Why didnt you just say no?", "Did you fight back?" to these victims and give men the excuse "men will be men". They selectively fail to remember that even the despite the way women have evolved over the years, males still easily have a physical advantage over them As well as intimidate them in some cases. They consider the fact that its the girls choice and make her the one to blame even though more times then not men force themselves upon women , either forcefully or persuasively. The victims are always critisized for what they could jave done, but like Raqia said, thats almost like blaming a victim of a murder for their own death. Using ones clothing as an excuse to violate someone is just as trivial. Unless the girl has the words "violate me" written across her forehead, men should be expected to keep their composure even if he see's a woman showing a little skin. If males are supposedly the leaders of this world, why don't they get penalized for their carelessness that does nothing but bring others down?
ReplyDeleteThis was a very good blog! I feel sorry for those women who had to go through the struggle of trying to find their voice or trying to start back their lives after being rape. No matter what a women wears or how she presents herself should justify the fact that she was rape. Rape is a power issue and our society needs to see this because old grandmothers are raped also by people who are sick in the head. Those women who are rape and can't find the voice to speak up on it are so afraid of being called out of their name because society will expect her to have been a "slut" in order for her to be violated. This is not acceptable. No means NO! When someone says no, it does not mean yes, matter if her clothes are a little to tight or if the girl is a little too drunk. I want women/girls to take defense classes in order to defend themselves the best way they can in a situation like that. It not safe for women and the best way to protect ourselves from the evils of the world if we are our strongest and I promise that rapist who tried to mess with that female who knew how to kick his butt, will surely think twice about targeting someone else. Rape should be taken more seriously in this country. However, I also want to address the fact that someone women/girls will try to accuse someone of raping them either out of spite or to get themselves out of trouble. For example, there was a boy who use to go to Science Park high school and he was a senior while his girlfriend was a sophomore. The issue is that they decided to do something inappropriate in the bathroom and they were caught. Now, they were both wrong for doing anything at all that children aren't suppose to do, but the girl decided to lie and state that the boy had raped her in order for her not to get in trouble by her father. This is extremely sad because the boy had a full ride to college and had his whole future ahead of him and now he goes to a community college and struggles to get his life back together. Ruining someone's life like is not right and it will be a totally different story if she said no but she consented to the deed and then decided to lie in order to save her own skin. My point is that accusing someone of rape should not be abuse, but if someone was raped then the person should tell the police and press charges no matter what society has to say.
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